[ when he hugs her, carolina slouches into it easily, her hand slipping from his cheek to the back of his head, the other finding a place on his back. not great for her posture but good for her heart, right about now. the empathetic bond is an unwanted, messed up thing but they've found a way to make the best of it. to make it good for them.
and then wash talks and carolina's mind goes to the absolute worst place first, because it really wasn't that long ago that she watched an actor pretending to be wash say almost the exact same thing and have it mean something completely different than it should. there's a hitch in her breath and because she chooses not to jerk away (this time, like she's done so much in the past when things have gotten unpleasant between them) wash has a front row seat to the rush of sequential emotions that creates.
panic kicks in fast, but it's one of those emotions in carolina that's always ready. but the anxiety is different than usual, it's flustered, because she remembers how she felt on that beach for real. missing york and hating herself for the choices she made, not sure at all that carrying his lighter around with her actually helped anything. and wash was there, dragging her out of her head, letting her feel that bittersweet ache, giving her permission to keep something she could have let go of.
she'd been close to wash for quite some time, but that moment, with him holding her hand, had felt like a different kind of close. taking off her armour to figure out just what kind of close they could be seemed like a possibility she should consider. a real option, whatever wash was offering her.
except he was just offering her a way of speeding up their problem solving and dear god she's an idiot.
if wash has ever wondered what carolina full on mortified would feel or sound like, it's this, complete with an almost pained little noise at just how stupid she feels. ]
Good call.
[ because the sleeves of it are disgusting and carolina knows this but there's still reluctance in the way she pulls back now, letting go of him so she can unzip the garment and start to pull it off. ]
[ Wash really just meant it so they could soak her cuffs and get it in the laundry before anything stained but the rush of emotions he gets from Carolina are confusing and -- oh. ]
Oh god. I'm sorry, did you think I meant--
[ His eyes go wide and he blushes under his freckles, standing up with a deer in headlights expression. ]
I-- would you ever--
[ Would she have wanted that? Because. That sure was a moment, but Wash isn't sure he even know how to be with someone anymore. If he ever did. ]
[ she's grasping at words here, at some reasonable, diplomatic way of explaining herself and "a guy we know made us a thing in the movie he's making" would lead to so many more questions than answers, so she can't even try to blame jax. still kind of blames him, sure, but also has to blame wash for being so endearingly good to her. blames that more than anything else.
stupid wash, being good for her. ]
I mean, I wouldn't... [ hate the idea.
but that could put him on the spot, risk their friendship and the way they are here and she can't afford to lose him. pulling the sweatshirt off, she bundles it against her chest like a security blanket, clenched in her hands, and glances toward the door. she could just leave, maybe. ]
Can we just- Wash, I-
[ her face was already red from crying, so maybe he won't notice how hard she's blushing, too. god, she misses her helmet. ]
[ It's the aborted 'I wouldn't' that he finishes in his mind as 'wouldn't want that' and the frantic way Carolina glances at the door that have Wash looking a little ashamed of himself now. ]
Yeah, of course. Here, I'll put it in the washer.
[ He holds out a hand for the sweatshirt, still blushing. He can let her have some space and take care of this for her and they'll be back to normal by dinner. It's fine. This is fine. ]
[ she almost hands over the sweatshirt automatically. wash is helping. she's letting him help.
but then she worries that this is going to make things too difficult for them and she just. curls her fingers a little tighter in the fabric. takes a deep breath. asks a question that she probably shouldn't. ]
[ 'Not if you don't' is a cop out answer and Wash knows it, but by virtue of that being the only thing he can think to say in this moment kind of means he would, right? Or might? ]
Maybe? It doesn't matter, right?
[ Because she wouldn't. And god knows he's capable of repression. ]
[ her gaze goes to the door again and she really should just bury this conversation here but nothing is that easy for her. not emotions, not being stuck in her own head, not her best friend. bright green eyes settle on wash's face again as she exhales, leans a little closer to him. ]
[ Carolina looks to the door again and Wash is a split second from just grabbing the sweatshirt and bolting, but then she moves a little closer, and her expression isn't disgusted or incredulous. She isn't laughing. She isn't acting like how someone who isn't interested at all would be acting, and nerves start fluttering in Wash's stomach.
[ depending on if she's the only one who feels conflicted about this or not, feels the tug of something more complicated than their friendship. carolina takes a deep breath, steadies her nerves. ]
I mean, it could be a disaster, but we've survived a lot of those, haven't we?
[ They're going in circles now, and Wash feels like his face is actually burning, but. Fine. He'll spit it out. ]
I'm not sure. I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought about it, but I wouldn't want to screw it up. What we have feels too important to lose, you're my best friend.
[ But he does love her, and doesn't think that could possibly change. What if she's right, and even if it's a disaster they'd manage? Wash takes a slow breath. ]
[ she nods a little, lets her gaze drop as she takes a deep breath. steady. complicated can mean a lot of things. ]
It does feel complicated. But... If we're both worried about the same thing, I think that makes it safe to say that our friendship is going to survive just about anything. [ her eyes flick up to his face again. ] Whether we risk anything or not.
[ Slowly, Wash nods. It feels like she's right. And the past almost-year on Iris with how close they got, how he likes hearing her use his name when it still seems wrong coming from anyone else, how shockingly easy it was to adjust to the bond with Carolina specifically... oh god, nerves.
Don't throw up on her, Wash tells himself desperately. ]
I'm in to risk it if you are. We could just... see how it feels?
[ There's a chance they're both reading too much into a fraught moment, that they'll kiss and there won't be any chemistry there, but then they'll know for sure.
...oh god when was the last time he kissed anyone? ]
[ carolina nods, not trusting herself with words. she's absolutely going to say something stupid if she tries and she's already said enough, thanks. so she can't say anything, but she will do something, setting the sweatshirt up on the counter before she leans a little closer to wash again, her hand finding his cheek. just like when she'd done it before, the touch is emotionally warm, grateful. still full of love, but charged with a confused sort of anxiety. worry that it's a wrong move, but worry that it might be right, too, because that's a different sort of scary.
with that contact established, she moves slowly, watching his face as she leans in closer, so goddamn close, but stopping shy of actually kissing him. ]
[ Carolina's emotions might be categorized as confused anxiety, but Wash's are straight up on a razor's edge between excitement and panic, with subtler hints within each. Hope, love, and a freshly unrepressed longing war with his worry that they're wrong, or they're right but it'll go wrong somehow. He screws everything up.
...except their friendship. So maybe.
He finds himself holding his breath as Carolina leans in, but then she stops, and there's a burst of confusion from Wash as he tries to figure out if she's having second thoughts or just wants him to close the distance. The overlapping tangle of their feelings is getting to be a little overwhelming but he thinks it's that they're both nervous, and that's okay. This is a lot.
Forcing himself to breathe again Wash takes a baby step and presses their foreheads together, lifting a hand to cradle the back of Carolina's neck protectively. Keeping her close against him thinking maybe they just need to go slow, adjust to each step of this. The anxiety doesn't go away, but as he closes his eyes and brushes their noses together to get used to being so close, sharing her air, some of the fluttering in his stomach calms. One step at a time. This isn't something either of them thought they'd ever have again, he's pretty sure.
When he finally tilts his head and changes the angle to kiss her, it's soft and warm and careful. Very chaste even by first kiss standards, Wash not knowing how much would be too much. ]
[ every little extra touch helps, in its way. this sort of intimacy is something carolina's never been particularly good at and whatever her last attempts at it had been, they're in the distant past. wash's own nervousness blends with her own, but just makes her feel less alone, closer to him. it doesn't make anything worse.
so when the kiss comes, it's easy to return, carolina pressing back, lips parting slightly, but not necessarily seeking anything further. not for a lack of interest in him, but because this is sort of perfect the way it is. careful and chaste is what they needed and by the time that first kiss ends, she's feeling less of her own anxiety and more of that hopefulness she'd caught flickering within wash. it's nice and warm and the reason she slides her hand to the back of his head, fingers curling in his hair. and she kisses him anew, keeping it brief but needing that extra little bit of connection before she eases away to press her forehead to his again.
there's something a little giddy feeling in her emotions. she tries to keep it under control. ]
Wash shivers a little as Carolina's fingers curl into his hair, finding himself chasing after the second kiss when she eases back from that one. It feels almost innocent, the butterflies that were twisting his stomach before now fluttering pleasantly in his chest. Kissing Carolina feels strangely natural after all that stressing, even if it's shy and hesitant. He takes an unsteady breath and gives them both a moment of just holding each other, foreheads pressed together and eyes closed.
Then he's bumping their noses together again, silently and politely asking for more. ]
[ the whole thing feels warm and safe and right and even if that will inevitably lead to worries of its own, a grim preparation for things to go horribly wrong, it's far away from carolina's mind right now. right now, she's embracing this moment, sinking into the comfort of it.
she never thought she'd be comfortable wanting to kiss someone when she could feel their emotions on top of her own, but well, here they are. she does.
her tongue darts out, wetting her lips before she obliges wash's silent request, kissing him again. it's a little less chaste, but not necessarily aggressive. still soft, but certain. and this time when her mouth parts against his, it's with a purpose, tongue tracing the seam of his lips, tasting him as she drags the moment out. ]
[ The change is obvious in this kiss. They're both more sure now, that they want this and that it's good. Wash lets his lips part as well, welcoming a deeper kiss, tugging her in a little closer against him with a shy hand on her waist. Apparently kissing is like riding a bike... just takes a moment to get used to it and then it's all instinct.
He lets it drag on, their tongues brushing as they explore each other's mouths until he feels like he needs air, and this time lifts his head to smile at Carolina warmly. ]
[ she doesn't want to be this flushed but she is, nodding at wash while she searches for words or at least an appropriate course of action. action should always be easier than words for her, but this is one of few situations where carolina doesn't know what action she wants to take. something tugs in the direction of more kissing, but she doesn't want to rush anything here. doesn't want to risk anything more than they're already risking.
words don't happen right away, but she does seem to get a little more comfortable, leaning into his chest, her free hand sliding up to his shoulder, close enough to his neck that her fingertips rest against bare skin above his collar. just a little more touching, carolina trying to ignore her nerves and focus on the certainty of the moment, on the safety of being with wash. ]
No immediate disaster yet. [ ultimately, saying something sappy is going to make this so much harder for her, so she's joking, with her expression soft and her lips quirked. ] That's a promising start, I'd say.
[ Wash keeps his hand on the back of her neck and loops his other arm around her waist, just holding her. If he tilts his chin up he can just settle it on top of her head and she fits against him comfortably. ]
I agree.
[ They should probably cool it. Take it slow, not too much too fast, as he's already feeling a little overwhelmed -- kissing someone while also feeling what they're feeling is intense. Especially when what they're feeling is so similar, it almost creates a feedback loop and they were already emotionally exhausted before... whatever this is. Just a kiss. Not a big deal.
But it feels like the start of something.
In lieu of continuing, Wash lifts the hand on her neck to stroke through her hair, so much shorter than he's used to but also softer than he'd imagined it being. ]
[ carolina's head dips slightly, enough to implicate a nod before she worries it's not quite enough and breathes out a soft, ] Yeah.
[ but she's reluctant to move first, now that he's arranged them like this, wanting to stay put for a little bit longer. they'll lay down and wrap themselves up with one another again, probably, but that'll be different. this is different. ]
I, uh- should probably take care of my sweatshirt, first. But you go get comfortable and I'll meet you in your room.
[ she's pretty sure her pillow's still in there from this morning, anyway. ]
[ He completely forgot about the sweatshirt and is a little embarrassed about that -- Carolina should consider it a compliment how distracted he got. And that when she doesn't move away, he doesn't pull back either. Just stands there basking in shared warm fuzzies that are so much better than the grief and disappointment and anger they'd been sharing back and forth before.
Wash tilts his face down so that instead of his chin on top of Carolina's head he's burying his nose in her hair, and mutters, ]
[ and even if that obvious statement is something she could tease him for, carolina's tone is just as warm and fond as the emotions he's getting from their connection.
she gives them both another long few seconds in the embrace before she slips her hands to wash's shoulders, making the motion of pushing herself back without any real force behind it. the motion's still gentle, all things considered, and she's still close when she tips her head up to look at his face. ]
David. [ it's the way she used his name voluntarily, cautiously on iris. not the way she'd been using it around other displaced here for his safety. ] Go lay down.
[ Wash makes a sound that could be a soft, tiny grumble, but then Carolina nudges him back and looks up at him and there's another burst of warmth as he sees her smile. And he wants to kiss her again.
What the hell have they gotten themselves into?
The nerves are back, but fainter this time, and it doesn't make his smile back any less genuine as he lifts his hands and steps back towards the open door. ]
Okay, I'm going. Put some of the peroxide on the cuffs before you toss it in, it'll get the blood out easier.
[ that gets a faint snort of amusement from her, carolina shaking her head before she turns to pick her sweatshirt up again. ]
It's cute that you think this is my first time getting blood out of clothing.
[ she waves her hand at wash then, gesturing him the rest of the way out of the room so she can turn and start rinsing the cuffs. once he's gone, it takes her a little longer than strictly necessary to deal with the sweatshirt, because she gives herself a little extra time, splashing cold water on her face and forcing herself to breathe, calm down all the dozens of emotions stirred inside of her as best as she can hope to. after a few minutes, she's mostly just tired and that's okay.
tired is so easy compared to everything else.
once she has the laundry started, carolina finally follows wash to his bedroom, bringing the ice pack he'd had her holding over her knuckles earlier - a deliberate 'look, I'm taking care of myself' action, so he can't say anything about it. ]
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and then wash talks and carolina's mind goes to the absolute worst place first, because it really wasn't that long ago that she watched an actor pretending to be wash say almost the exact same thing and have it mean something completely different than it should. there's a hitch in her breath and because she chooses not to jerk away (this time, like she's done so much in the past when things have gotten unpleasant between them) wash has a front row seat to the rush of sequential emotions that creates.
panic kicks in fast, but it's one of those emotions in carolina that's always ready. but the anxiety is different than usual, it's flustered, because she remembers how she felt on that beach for real. missing york and hating herself for the choices she made, not sure at all that carrying his lighter around with her actually helped anything. and wash was there, dragging her out of her head, letting her feel that bittersweet ache, giving her permission to keep something she could have let go of.
she'd been close to wash for quite some time, but that moment, with him holding her hand, had felt like a different kind of close. taking off her armour to figure out just what kind of close they could be seemed like a possibility she should consider. a real option, whatever wash was offering her.
except he was just offering her a way of speeding up their problem solving and dear god she's an idiot.
if wash has ever wondered what carolina full on mortified would feel or sound like, it's this, complete with an almost pained little noise at just how stupid she feels. ]
Good call.
[ because the sleeves of it are disgusting and carolina knows this but there's still reluctance in the way she pulls back now, letting go of him so she can unzip the garment and start to pull it off. ]
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Oh god. I'm sorry, did you think I meant--
[ His eyes go wide and he blushes under his freckles, standing up with a deer in headlights expression. ]
I-- would you ever--
[ Would she have wanted that? Because. That sure was a moment, but Wash isn't sure he even know how to be with someone anymore. If he ever did. ]
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[ she's grasping at words here, at some reasonable, diplomatic way of explaining herself and "a guy we know made us a thing in the movie he's making" would lead to so many more questions than answers, so she can't even try to blame jax. still kind of blames him, sure, but also has to blame wash for being so endearingly good to her. blames that more than anything else.
stupid wash, being good for her. ]
I mean, I wouldn't... [ hate the idea.
but that could put him on the spot, risk their friendship and the way they are here and she can't afford to lose him. pulling the sweatshirt off, she bundles it against her chest like a security blanket, clenched in her hands, and glances toward the door. she could just leave, maybe. ]
Can we just- Wash, I-
[ her face was already red from crying, so maybe he won't notice how hard she's blushing, too. god, she misses her helmet. ]
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Yeah, of course. Here, I'll put it in the washer.
[ He holds out a hand for the sweatshirt, still blushing. He can let her have some space and take care of this for her and they'll be back to normal by dinner. It's fine. This is fine. ]
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but then she worries that this is going to make things too difficult for them and she just. curls her fingers a little tighter in the fabric. takes a deep breath. asks a question that she probably shouldn't. ]
Would you want that?
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[ 'Not if you don't' is a cop out answer and Wash knows it, but by virtue of that being the only thing he can think to say in this moment kind of means he would, right? Or might? ]
Maybe? It doesn't matter, right?
[ Because she wouldn't. And god knows he's capable of repression. ]
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It might matter.
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He doesn't pull back. ]
Depending on what?
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[ depending on if she's the only one who feels conflicted about this or not, feels the tug of something more complicated than their friendship. carolina takes a deep breath, steadies her nerves. ]
I mean, it could be a disaster, but we've survived a lot of those, haven't we?
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[ They're going in circles now, and Wash feels like his face is actually burning, but. Fine. He'll spit it out. ]
I'm not sure. I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought about it, but I wouldn't want to screw it up. What we have feels too important to lose, you're my best friend.
[ But he does love her, and doesn't think that could possibly change. What if she's right, and even if it's a disaster they'd manage? Wash takes a slow breath. ]
It feels complicated.
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It does feel complicated. But... If we're both worried about the same thing, I think that makes it safe to say that our friendship is going to survive just about anything. [ her eyes flick up to his face again. ] Whether we risk anything or not.
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Don't throw up on her, Wash tells himself desperately. ]
I'm in to risk it if you are. We could just... see how it feels?
[ There's a chance they're both reading too much into a fraught moment, that they'll kiss and there won't be any chemistry there, but then they'll know for sure.
...oh god when was the last time he kissed anyone? ]
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with that contact established, she moves slowly, watching his face as she leans in closer, so goddamn close, but stopping shy of actually kissing him. ]
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...except their friendship. So maybe.
He finds himself holding his breath as Carolina leans in, but then she stops, and there's a burst of confusion from Wash as he tries to figure out if she's having second thoughts or just wants him to close the distance. The overlapping tangle of their feelings is getting to be a little overwhelming but he thinks it's that they're both nervous, and that's okay. This is a lot.
Forcing himself to breathe again Wash takes a baby step and presses their foreheads together, lifting a hand to cradle the back of Carolina's neck protectively. Keeping her close against him thinking maybe they just need to go slow, adjust to each step of this. The anxiety doesn't go away, but as he closes his eyes and brushes their noses together to get used to being so close, sharing her air, some of the fluttering in his stomach calms. One step at a time. This isn't something either of them thought they'd ever have again, he's pretty sure.
When he finally tilts his head and changes the angle to kiss her, it's soft and warm and careful. Very chaste even by first kiss standards, Wash not knowing how much would be too much. ]
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so when the kiss comes, it's easy to return, carolina pressing back, lips parting slightly, but not necessarily seeking anything further. not for a lack of interest in him, but because this is sort of perfect the way it is. careful and chaste is what they needed and by the time that first kiss ends, she's feeling less of her own anxiety and more of that hopefulness she'd caught flickering within wash. it's nice and warm and the reason she slides her hand to the back of his head, fingers curling in his hair. and she kisses him anew, keeping it brief but needing that extra little bit of connection before she eases away to press her forehead to his again.
there's something a little giddy feeling in her emotions. she tries to keep it under control. ]
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Wash shivers a little as Carolina's fingers curl into his hair, finding himself chasing after the second kiss when she eases back from that one. It feels almost innocent, the butterflies that were twisting his stomach before now fluttering pleasantly in his chest. Kissing Carolina feels strangely natural after all that stressing, even if it's shy and hesitant. He takes an unsteady breath and gives them both a moment of just holding each other, foreheads pressed together and eyes closed.
Then he's bumping their noses together again, silently and politely asking for more. ]
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she never thought she'd be comfortable wanting to kiss someone when she could feel their emotions on top of her own, but well, here they are. she does.
her tongue darts out, wetting her lips before she obliges wash's silent request, kissing him again. it's a little less chaste, but not necessarily aggressive. still soft, but certain. and this time when her mouth parts against his, it's with a purpose, tongue tracing the seam of his lips, tasting him as she drags the moment out. ]
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He lets it drag on, their tongues brushing as they explore each other's mouths until he feels like he needs air, and this time lifts his head to smile at Carolina warmly. ]
This is good, right?
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words don't happen right away, but she does seem to get a little more comfortable, leaning into his chest, her free hand sliding up to his shoulder, close enough to his neck that her fingertips rest against bare skin above his collar. just a little more touching, carolina trying to ignore her nerves and focus on the certainty of the moment, on the safety of being with wash. ]
No immediate disaster yet. [ ultimately, saying something sappy is going to make this so much harder for her, so she's joking, with her expression soft and her lips quirked. ] That's a promising start, I'd say.
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I agree.
[ They should probably cool it. Take it slow, not too much too fast, as he's already feeling a little overwhelmed -- kissing someone while also feeling what they're feeling is intense. Especially when what they're feeling is so similar, it almost creates a feedback loop and they were already emotionally exhausted before... whatever this is. Just a kiss. Not a big deal.
But it feels like the start of something.
In lieu of continuing, Wash lifts the hand on her neck to stroke through her hair, so much shorter than he's used to but also softer than he'd imagined it being. ]
Do you feel like crashing? I'm weirdly exhausted.
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[ but she's reluctant to move first, now that he's arranged them like this, wanting to stay put for a little bit longer. they'll lay down and wrap themselves up with one another again, probably, but that'll be different. this is different. ]
I, uh- should probably take care of my sweatshirt, first. But you go get comfortable and I'll meet you in your room.
[ she's pretty sure her pillow's still in there from this morning, anyway. ]
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[ He completely forgot about the sweatshirt and is a little embarrassed about that -- Carolina should consider it a compliment how distracted he got. And that when she doesn't move away, he doesn't pull back either. Just stands there basking in shared warm fuzzies that are so much better than the grief and disappointment and anger they'd been sharing back and forth before.
Wash tilts his face down so that instead of his chin on top of Carolina's head he's burying his nose in her hair, and mutters, ]
I guess I have to let go.
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[ and even if that obvious statement is something she could tease him for, carolina's tone is just as warm and fond as the emotions he's getting from their connection.
she gives them both another long few seconds in the embrace before she slips her hands to wash's shoulders, making the motion of pushing herself back without any real force behind it. the motion's still gentle, all things considered, and she's still close when she tips her head up to look at his face. ]
David. [ it's the way she used his name voluntarily, cautiously on iris. not the way she'd been using it around other displaced here for his safety. ] Go lay down.
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What the hell have they gotten themselves into?
The nerves are back, but fainter this time, and it doesn't make his smile back any less genuine as he lifts his hands and steps back towards the open door. ]
Okay, I'm going. Put some of the peroxide on the cuffs before you toss it in, it'll get the blood out easier.
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It's cute that you think this is my first time getting blood out of clothing.
[ she waves her hand at wash then, gesturing him the rest of the way out of the room so she can turn and start rinsing the cuffs. once he's gone, it takes her a little longer than strictly necessary to deal with the sweatshirt, because she gives herself a little extra time, splashing cold water on her face and forcing herself to breathe, calm down all the dozens of emotions stirred inside of her as best as she can hope to. after a few minutes, she's mostly just tired and that's okay.
tired is so easy compared to everything else.
once she has the laundry started, carolina finally follows wash to his bedroom, bringing the ice pack he'd had her holding over her knuckles earlier - a deliberate 'look, I'm taking care of myself' action, so he can't say anything about it. ]
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